Abuse...

To say this is a touchy subject is an understatement, but I think it really needs to be brought to light. Domestic abuse in and of itself is a horrific epidemic that is growing by leaps and bounds daily. According to statistics (The National Domestic Violence Hotline), IPV (intimate partner violence) affects over 12 million people each year; 48.4% of women and 48.8% of men have experienced psychological aggression by an intimate partner in their lifetime. The statistics get worse as you go down the list. The most interesting part of these statistics is something most people overlook. The amount of men who are subject to domestic violence, whether its physical, emotional or verbal. Children, whether they are victims of domestic violence or not are most likely to either end up in a violent relationship, or become abusers towards their domestic partner or children when they are adults. The damage that occurs in a violent home situation is unbelievable.

I preface this post this way for a reason. I read today an article that made me sit back in my seat. It made me realize that, even on a very small level, that I have been an abuser. Worse yet, a good deal of my women friends are as well. Wow. Scary revelation, but true. Let me explain.

First of all, I'm going to go to the Bible. In the book of Ephesians 5:21-23 it says: 22 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. And then again in the book of Colossians 3:17-19 is this: 18 Wives, submit to your own husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be bitter toward them. 

Now, before y'all get your panties in a knot, let me explain the word "submit." In this context, yes the definition applies, but there is also another meaning to this. It's respect. Ladies, we are to respect our husbands. Right now, I'm not addressing the physical aspect of abuse here, I'm talking verbal abuse. 

"But I don't verbally abuse my husband! I love my husband!" So do I, but think about this and chew on it for a moment. How many times when you're talking about your families, your husband in particular to your friends do you mention something like, "he wouldn't read an instruction manual if it were taped to his forehead," or I really hate the way he does this or that..." or "he's so into football, baseball, basketball (pick your sport) and pays no attention to me..." Sting yet?

Okay, how about this one? You send hubby to the store for say, hamburger, buns, lettuce, tomatoes, cheese and potato salad. He comes back with everything you asked for, but...the hamburger isn't the lean kind, the cheese is American and not cheddar and the tomatoes are squishy. You let loose on him. Did you tell him what kind of burger or did you just generically say "hamburger?" Did you specify what kind of cheese, or tell him that the tomatoes should be firm so they don't squish all over the counter when you go to cut them? No? Guess, what...you've just verbally abused the man. 

Some men just chalk it up to PMS...some men will meekly say that they didn't know it was a big deal, some will simply say, if you want it done right, do it yourself. All of it comes back to you. If it is a constant thing, you have a problem...you want control of every situation. 

Yes, you have a wonderful relationship with him. Yes, you love him to the moon and back, but don't you think that you should respect his feelings like you would expect him to respect yours?

This article hit me right between the eyes because I know I'm just as guilty as the next wife of doing this. I've grumbled about clothes being folded the wrong way when I should be rejoicing that he enjoys doing laundry (and I really don't). I've fussed about tomatoes being over-ripe and he's offered to take them back and get firmer ones, to which I've always said no, but still. 

Now I understand that there are going to be some of you out there who are going to get all fired up about this, but really, please don't. I don't take domestic violence lightly, having been there on a low level myself. When someone physically picks you up and throws you against a car because you've broken up with him when you found out he cheated on you? Yeah, domestic violence. To have someone tell you that you aren't worth the skin you're in? Domestic violence. Praise God, beyond being tossed across a driveway I haven't been physically abused, but this takes on many forms, and I know many, many people, not just women or children, who have been victims of these crimes. I have a dear friend who suffers from PTSD, in part because of domestic violence. A relative who was subjected to another kind of abuse that turned their world upside-down. No, I understand abuse and I would never, ever make light of it. 

Please understand that I love my husband more than my life itself. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him and to realize that in even a small way that I have devalued him, that I have disrespected him, makes my stomach turn. Ladies, if you see yourself in this, I ask one thing of you. Go to him, admit your fault and ask his forgiveness. I did.

Postscript: If you, or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse, I encourage you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline: (1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or 1-800-787-3224 (TTY). ), or your local Domestic Abuse Hotline. Don't stay in a dangerous situation. Seek help, there are resources out there to help you. Don't say it will change, it won't. Please. Seek help.