Broken-hearted and it's cancer's fault.

I'm beside myself. I can't imagine her not being here. Her body, I don't recognize, it has been ravished beyond recognition, but her eyes...I would know her in a heartbeat.

My Cousin is dying, and I can't do anything about it but pray and tell her I love her. And cry.

We had so many good times. One summer sticks in my mind like gorilla glue.

I saw my first concert with her. Disneyland and Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods. We were pretty close to the stage, not the pit, obviously, but close enough to see their faces. I learned how to body surf on her watch that summer. I went to summer school with her one year, I think it was the same summer.
We went to a local drug store with her Mom, and bought barrel pickles. I ate all of mine and half of hers and ralphed all over. My Aunt made me clean it up myself for eating the rest of my Cousin's pickle when I was warned not to.

We listened to Paper Lace...The night Chicago Died, Billy Don't be a Hero. That was some summer and there were others.

Then I met my fiance'. She was in my wedding. My Maid of Honor. I was in hers the next year. She had her first child before I did, but she attended my baby shower, which happened to be held in her Mom and Dad's apartment.

We lost touch for a few years, but reconnected and it was like no time had passed, even though our faces and bodies showed our age.

Now she's facing the end of her life. And my heart is breaking. I can't imagine going to my Mom's and not going next door to see her and her family. I will still be able to see her Mom, her husband and oldest, but she won't be there. It will be strange without her.

I know prayers have been lifted up for her worldwide. Between my prayer lists, my Mom's and many, many others, petitions have been going to God from day one of her diagnosis of cancer. I know He has heard each and every heartfelt plea. I know He knows our grief.  I know He has answered our prayers, but it looks as if the answer is No, but that doesn't mean its true...its just my observation. So, I am going to press in harder for her miracle. I'm going to be the squeaky wheel, because maybe, just maybe, He'll say yes. I will keep my hopes alive, and that of the others who love her more than I do, as long as I can.

She was so beautiful. She still is...and I love the memories we made with each other. I love you, Debi.


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