When the time comes...

How do you cope with impending grief? The heart-wrenching, gut twisting truth, staring you in the face? How do you, a Child of the Most High, deal with a situation before its seen its finish? Do you continue on, a smile on your face, knowing and seeing the truth before you, or do you face it head on with tears, and visible grief?
That's the question I'm faced with right now.

I'm watching, day by day, a once stunning woman dwindle into a skeleton of herself, and yet, when I look at her eyes, I still see that beauty as she was...young, full of life, carefree. I know her history, it hasn't always been peaches and cream, as it were, there were plenty of dark days, times when she wanted to hide, and did. She has always been my friend, and a surrogate sister, and I will always love her, but life is coming due.

We all know, despite our efforts to try and avert it, that time marches on. For some, it's a pleasant journey, and perhaps they are born again, or not. Their end is celebrated and mourned mightily by those left behind. For others, they live a life on edge...not knowing from one second to the next what life will hand them...again, born again or not, the piper comes for his due. And yet others, it's a roller coaster, full of ups, downs, twists and turns, and at the end of the ride, it's time to get off, born again or not. Death is common to all, there's no getting out of it.

I never thought that her end would be so mean. I always thought that hers would be a quiet one, simply and beautifully in her sleep. I never thought that cancer would creep in, and then ravage a once healthy body. I am not deceiving myself, I know that time was not kind, but she was able to walk and do for herself with some vigor. I thought that counted for something. Apparently, it doesn't.

Now, as I visit with her weekly, sometimes more than that, I see that time, and age, and disease is not kind to anyone. And it initiates a grief that is hard to contain. I try to stay upbeat, for her sake, but when the visit is over, I weep bitterly. My grief seems to be overwhelming at times, and all I can do is to lift her, and my grief, to Jehovah Rapha, pleading to take both her pain and cancer, and my grief away. I pray for a miracle, and I hope beyond hope that I will see that happen.

I pray for her family, her husband, children and grandchildren...her mother, and those who love her dearly. They, too, are watching, and aching, and longing for that miracle that keeps her here a little longer, without pain, and without the cancer. But when we look closer, we see the awful truth poking itself up under her flesh, reminding us that it has control, for now.

Praying is all I can do. Its the best I can do, Its the only thing I can do. My faith, though stricken is not shaken, it stands firm. I know that God is hearing the prayers offered up in her behalf, but I also know that sometimes the answer is wait, or even no. I'm praying, and hoping for the "wait," even while expecting the "no." Either way, I know that God will do what is best for her, even when we will not or cannot understand.