The most wonderful time of the year....NOT!
Yes...that's me...sarcasm at its best.
Let's forget that this is March 31st and tomorrow's April Fools Day. Let's forget that we're coming up on the deadline for income tax returns. Let's forget that insurance kicks in the first of the year and we're stuck with the choices we made only because we looked at the deductibles, co-pays and out of pocket expenses and not much else. Wait...let's not forget that one for now.
Let's forget that Punxuatany Phil, or however you spell the critter's name was right and spring has sprung.
Let's focus on something else. Like yellow crud everywhere. It infests your air ducts, spreads like gangrene on your car, leaves yellow running puddles when you water and sticks to black clothes like it was Velcro. Pollen. The yin and yang of Spring around here in Southeast Texas. On the one hand its great, it means the flowers are blooming, and so are the trees, grass and weeds...but it also means great allergies. Yeah. Hate that part.
So, speaking of Spring and pollen and...stuff, I also have to focus on the part about getting older. Oh yeah, I forgot about that in the "Let's forget" list. Another year older and parts are getting worn out. I remember a time when my Little was about three-ish. We were in a grocery store and behind a, shall we say, pretty rank, a little on the chubby side, older woman. And she was loud. Every step sounded like she stomped on a whoopee cushion. And my daughter was quite amused. And loud.
"Mom! That lady is farting!" Yup, let's die right in the middle of the aisle, because the lady stopped in her tracks and froze. Didn't move a muscle. I think she was hoping I'd either go around or leave the aisle. I had stuff to get behind her, it wasn't going to be a quick fix here. When she realized I was still behind her, she scurried, and farted, her way out of the aisle. Score one for the toddler and take one away from the Mom and old lady.
Now, I relate this story for a reason...hang in there, I'm getting to it.
In hindsight, that lady couldn't have been much older than I am now. Who knows what her medical conditions may have been then? I certainly don't. No, I don't engage in such activities, although if I did, I probably wouldn't divulge that information, but...Right now, here in the comfort of my own home, I can say that I truly can relate with a worn engine...so to speak. Coughing and sneezing are not my friends, if you catch my drift.
The other thing...for those who didn't know, I had a nasty panic attack the day before Valentine's Day. Panic attacks for me are, well, no biggie. You have it, it knocks you out from fighting it and you sleep half a day away, you're all better. But no...leave it to me to get one to make me go...hmm. Went straight up into my jaw. Now, you women out there should know that this is a potential warning sign of heart attack.This is female specific. Not that this is the case all the time, but it's one of them. Check out Web MD or the American Heart Association for all of the warning signs for women. Anyway, that scared the behoozits out of me and sent me into the hospital. A month and an aborted angiogram later, there still is no definitive reason why it did it. Did I have a heart attack? Nope. Everything came back clear. Except the insurance...((note: I'm really rolling my eyes. No, really I am)). This goes back to, "lets look at the deductibles and what's covered and sign the forms." Yup...not doing that again. Going to go over those forms this year with a fine-toothed comb and a high-powered magnifying glass. Needless to say, we aren't happy with the coverage, but we're stuck with it and have to bite the bullet.
I guess I'm getting at the fact that growing older is fraught with some interesting speed bumps that no one tells you about. Probably because they don't want to discourage you from it. Maybe they just want to walk behind you as you're doing your grocery shopping and laugh at you every time you take a step and you fart, which I doubt. Or maybe, just maybe they want you to understand that the human body, like everything else in Creation, comes with an expiration date. You know, the "Best if used by:" date we see on everything that comes packaged anymore. The cool thing would be, if someone would tell you what the first date was so that you could do more living before the expiration date came along.
The older folks also don't tell you about the memory thing, either. I guess either they deduced that you figured it out on your own already, or they forgot to mention it...I forgot where I was going with this point. Hmm...
Oh, and the driver's license thing. Now, some of us have decent ones that show a younger us. Lucky, huh? Yeah, not so much. When they look at your license and are just about to hand it back to you, but take it back for a second look, or third, or fourth. Annoyed comes to mind. Foot tapping. Name calling, although not out loud, but boy, are they getting a tongue lashing in your mind. "Is there a problem?" So polite, but inside you're seriously having an issue with their eyesight.
"No, Ma'am...but this doesn't look like you. I, I mean, it does, sorta, but it doesn't. You have some other form of i.d.?"
Are you kidding me? What other form of I.D. do I carry that has my picture on it? Nothing...so I pull out my AARP card.
"That doesn't have your picture on it, besides, they give these to everyone. I just got one in the mail the other day."
"What are you, all of twelve?" Of course, the kid looks at me and raises an eyebrow, certain I just insulted him, but still...
"I'm sorry, but unless you have another form of I.D., you can't buy this stuff."
Mumbling, I dig through my wallet and come up with my Medicare card. I slam it down on the counter (I realize about this time that my neutral face, which usually doesn't look amused at the world around it in the first place, just got more unamused looking, thus giving the kid pause and maybe even a bit of a scare), and ask if that will do. The kid's eyes brighten.
"Yeah, that will work. My Great Grandma has one of these. They only give them to old people."
Peachy....a comedian.
**sigh**
I wonder if I still have time to sign up to be a Golden Girl instead of a Rusty Relic. ;)
Remember what tomorrow is, don't get caught off guard or get recorded farting in the aisle of the store. Remember to get dressed before you go to Wally World, and have a giggle at your own expense if you do get caught in the tomfoolery. Have a great weekend, Y'all! **Weirdness turned off for the night...**
Let's forget that this is March 31st and tomorrow's April Fools Day. Let's forget that we're coming up on the deadline for income tax returns. Let's forget that insurance kicks in the first of the year and we're stuck with the choices we made only because we looked at the deductibles, co-pays and out of pocket expenses and not much else. Wait...let's not forget that one for now.
Let's forget that Punxuatany Phil, or however you spell the critter's name was right and spring has sprung.
Let's focus on something else. Like yellow crud everywhere. It infests your air ducts, spreads like gangrene on your car, leaves yellow running puddles when you water and sticks to black clothes like it was Velcro. Pollen. The yin and yang of Spring around here in Southeast Texas. On the one hand its great, it means the flowers are blooming, and so are the trees, grass and weeds...but it also means great allergies. Yeah. Hate that part.
So, speaking of Spring and pollen and...stuff, I also have to focus on the part about getting older. Oh yeah, I forgot about that in the "Let's forget" list. Another year older and parts are getting worn out. I remember a time when my Little was about three-ish. We were in a grocery store and behind a, shall we say, pretty rank, a little on the chubby side, older woman. And she was loud. Every step sounded like she stomped on a whoopee cushion. And my daughter was quite amused. And loud.
"Mom! That lady is farting!" Yup, let's die right in the middle of the aisle, because the lady stopped in her tracks and froze. Didn't move a muscle. I think she was hoping I'd either go around or leave the aisle. I had stuff to get behind her, it wasn't going to be a quick fix here. When she realized I was still behind her, she scurried, and farted, her way out of the aisle. Score one for the toddler and take one away from the Mom and old lady.
Now, I relate this story for a reason...hang in there, I'm getting to it.
In hindsight, that lady couldn't have been much older than I am now. Who knows what her medical conditions may have been then? I certainly don't. No, I don't engage in such activities, although if I did, I probably wouldn't divulge that information, but...Right now, here in the comfort of my own home, I can say that I truly can relate with a worn engine...so to speak. Coughing and sneezing are not my friends, if you catch my drift.
The other thing...for those who didn't know, I had a nasty panic attack the day before Valentine's Day. Panic attacks for me are, well, no biggie. You have it, it knocks you out from fighting it and you sleep half a day away, you're all better. But no...leave it to me to get one to make me go...hmm. Went straight up into my jaw. Now, you women out there should know that this is a potential warning sign of heart attack.This is female specific. Not that this is the case all the time, but it's one of them. Check out Web MD or the American Heart Association for all of the warning signs for women. Anyway, that scared the behoozits out of me and sent me into the hospital. A month and an aborted angiogram later, there still is no definitive reason why it did it. Did I have a heart attack? Nope. Everything came back clear. Except the insurance...((note: I'm really rolling my eyes. No, really I am)). This goes back to, "lets look at the deductibles and what's covered and sign the forms." Yup...not doing that again. Going to go over those forms this year with a fine-toothed comb and a high-powered magnifying glass. Needless to say, we aren't happy with the coverage, but we're stuck with it and have to bite the bullet.
I guess I'm getting at the fact that growing older is fraught with some interesting speed bumps that no one tells you about. Probably because they don't want to discourage you from it. Maybe they just want to walk behind you as you're doing your grocery shopping and laugh at you every time you take a step and you fart, which I doubt. Or maybe, just maybe they want you to understand that the human body, like everything else in Creation, comes with an expiration date. You know, the "Best if used by:" date we see on everything that comes packaged anymore. The cool thing would be, if someone would tell you what the first date was so that you could do more living before the expiration date came along.
The older folks also don't tell you about the memory thing, either. I guess either they deduced that you figured it out on your own already, or they forgot to mention it...I forgot where I was going with this point. Hmm...
Oh, and the driver's license thing. Now, some of us have decent ones that show a younger us. Lucky, huh? Yeah, not so much. When they look at your license and are just about to hand it back to you, but take it back for a second look, or third, or fourth. Annoyed comes to mind. Foot tapping. Name calling, although not out loud, but boy, are they getting a tongue lashing in your mind. "Is there a problem?" So polite, but inside you're seriously having an issue with their eyesight.
"No, Ma'am...but this doesn't look like you. I, I mean, it does, sorta, but it doesn't. You have some other form of i.d.?"
Are you kidding me? What other form of I.D. do I carry that has my picture on it? Nothing...so I pull out my AARP card.
"That doesn't have your picture on it, besides, they give these to everyone. I just got one in the mail the other day."
"What are you, all of twelve?" Of course, the kid looks at me and raises an eyebrow, certain I just insulted him, but still...
"I'm sorry, but unless you have another form of I.D., you can't buy this stuff."
Mumbling, I dig through my wallet and come up with my Medicare card. I slam it down on the counter (I realize about this time that my neutral face, which usually doesn't look amused at the world around it in the first place, just got more unamused looking, thus giving the kid pause and maybe even a bit of a scare), and ask if that will do. The kid's eyes brighten.
"Yeah, that will work. My Great Grandma has one of these. They only give them to old people."
Peachy....a comedian.
**sigh**
I wonder if I still have time to sign up to be a Golden Girl instead of a Rusty Relic. ;)
Remember what tomorrow is, don't get caught off guard or get recorded farting in the aisle of the store. Remember to get dressed before you go to Wally World, and have a giggle at your own expense if you do get caught in the tomfoolery. Have a great weekend, Y'all! **Weirdness turned off for the night...**
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