Mama Always ~ L.A. Brown, Author

It has definitely been a banner year for me, well, me, Chris and Andrea. We came off of 2011 with the loss of our beloved Aussie, Draco in November to foster a soldier's dog in January. Angel was not allowed to go home to Korea (where she was born) with her family who was being relocated there because she lacked a blood titer. We fostered her for two and a half months, getting her the necessary titer and shots; getting the proper sized kennel and finally getting the necessary passage and escort to get home. We could not have done it without the help of many friends and their friends and of course, United Airlines who waived the normal fees to get her home to her soldier and family. My many thanks to Sandra, Janet, Christopher, the Air Race family, James Bear Branch Animal Hospital and Home Again for getting her back to her family. I am sure that there were so many, many more who were in the background that helped with this endeavor, God knows who you are and I'm sure that He ...

...that fibro fog is responsible for a lot of things that go on with me lately. I walk into a room and not only do I forget what I went in there for, sometimes I'm disoriented enough to wonder, even for a nano-second what room I'm in. That's happened a couple of times. I've also seemed to have forgotten that depression is a constant companion. Sometimes it stays way in the background, but other times, like today, it is sitting in my hip pocket, poking me and letting me know that I've been kind of useless lately. That tends to work on my last nerve and so when Chatty Cathy is released, which most of the time I can tune out except for the necessary phrases and words, I have the ability to go nuclear. That in return brings out the tears, puppy dog eyes and/or the temper of the Mouse who was just being herself. Of course, this works on the depression more by making me feel like a bit of bug spittle. **sigh** I can't turn the bugger off, either. It just sits ther...

...and since it's still not quite over, I don't doubt that there are still a few surprises waiting around the corner. I must admit, when we came into this year, all I was really expecting was my new baby granddaughter who was due in March, right around her sister's first birthday. Soooo, little Cutie Patootie made us wait an entire week for her arrival, which pretty much means that we have been suckered into being at her whim probably for the rest of our lives. All she has to do is bat those baby browns, turn up the side of her mouth ever so slightly and I'm giving away the farm. Sis has that ability, too, but she doesn't have it quite down pat as the Little One. I'm doomed to be a pauper. Of course, the first statement is just a bit misleading, because as some of you may know, we were also fostering a soldier's dog until we could get her home to Korea. With a lot of help from friends and United Airlines, Angel got home to her family in February. That wa...

There are days, I presume, that you wished that you had never put your feet on the floor. Today is one of those days. After sleeping for eleven and a half hours, I feel like I still haven't slept and have been run over by a Mack Truck. Which begs the question.....how does one know what being run over by a Mack truck feels like? I mean, would there be anything left of a person after being run over? Seriously, if I don't find the humor in days like today, then I am a sorry case indeed. I am still wondering how does a person know what the run over-ness feels like? I mean, we can assume that it is incredibly painful, but....wow...still....I would think that every bone in the body being broken, being pressed flat as a pancake, yeah, that's pain. Every nerve on fire, walking on pins and needles, no feeling in the extremities, head pounding, OK, I acquiesce, the feeling could  come pretty close. Then, there's the pounding headache like someone is taking a sledge hammer to ...

Thought I would get through tonight, Halloween, without any tricks and only treats. Yeah, not happening. All this week I've been in a flare up. Most of the time it was mild and just basically annoying, but for the last four days, its been steadily getting worse. Sunday saw my hip and leg starting to go nuts. Monday it felt like I had been at the gym for eight hours doing leg presses. Since then its gotten worse. Normally I would use Icy Hot or Bio-freeze to ease the muscle ache and draw out some of the pain. Even a hot Epsom soak would normally do the trick, but that was not to be the case, as neither of these methods are working. On to plan B. Plan B is heat and either a pain patch (which is my preferred modus operandi) or a vicodin. Since I try to stay away from the stronger stuff that is usually where I head next. Yup, you got it, it was a no-go. On to the vicodin which is usually 99.99999% effective in making it go away. **sigh** To say that I am disappointed is a gross u...

Just like a number of other things, fibromyalgia is unique in everybody. Just because one person suffers in one way, doesn't mean that this is a cookie cutter disease, syndrome or whatever you want to call it. Personally, mine, while pretty much controlled by a very good pharmaceutical developed specifically for fibromyalgia, still has quite a few times when it rears its ugly head. I also have carpal tunnel syndrome in both arms, arthritis in both hips and knees, so when it hits, it seems to hit those areas that are more prone to pain in the first place. Right now, I have limited feeling in my pinkie and ring finger of my left hand, which makes things like typing difficult since I type by touch, trying to find the letters a, s, z, and x are fun. On occasion I have the pleasure of feeling like my skin is being washed off in the shower, although that has only happened a couple of times, and the "fibro fog" and dizziness are more of a problem than I would care to admit. ...

I really want to know the answer to that question. I mean, really? One would think that if you are smart enough to take something apart and put it back together without any extra parts laying around that you're at least batting out of the box some. Seriously. Sure there are times when curiosity gets the best of you, but really? I have a new hobby....going to a local auction. The house is owned by my former boss' mom and her husband. My old boss is the manager of the house. I decided that it would be fun to go a couple of times to see what they did. I hadn't been to an auction since I was a kid when I had gone to a police auction with my dad. It was there that I bid on and won a jacket, faux fur, that fit me like it was made for me. I've liked auctions since, just had never gone to a live one. The closest that I ever got to one was on EBay. So, now I go every Saturday, and I've set myself a spending limit so that I can control what I bid on. Since I take a gander t...

Like tonight. My mood has been iffy for days, almost like I'm willing someone to challenge me or give me a good reason to lose my composure and break down in tears. Since I've been on the fibromyalgia medicine the instances have been few and far between, but there are still days that totally over-ride it. Today was one of them. It started pretty early...about five hours after I went to bed and six hours after I took my night-time bp meds. I figured that I was pretty safe with the six hours between doses and took my second dose after I brushed my teeth. Yeah, not a really good idea. I felt the drop as I started to lose focus and get dizzy. When I went to take my blood pressure I found that my bp monitor had died. No problem, new batteries, still dead. Peachy. So I decided that one of the things that I needed to do soon is to get a new monitor. Now that I think of it some fourteen hours later, I absolutely forgot. Such is my memory lately. After breakfast with my buddy, Mouse...

I have come to grips with the fact that the infamous "Murphy" of Murphy's Law must somehow be related to me. I say this because his "law" sure has a strangle hold in my life. When you look up Murphy's Law in the dictionary, you can bet that it will cross-reference with me, just saying. I have to say, first off, that I love my life...I love my husband, my children, grandchildren, parents, brother....all of them and my relatives and friends. This is above all the most wonderful blessings that God has given me. I am constantly amazed at the other blessings in my life, the Beast being one of them, my dorky cats and all of the other blessings, material and financial that God has seen fit to allow me. That said...I really think that I must be mishandling stuff somehow. Case in point. When I got the Beast, I question the legitimacy of God's provision...only for a moment or two, mind you, but question it I did. He was faithful to hear my prayers of getting u...

I came across an article that disturbed me greatly today. It was regarding one of our service men who was medically retired because of TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury) and PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), has a service dog to assist him and was horribly treated by people who are employed to be Customer Service  Representatives . This man, who is the founder of Paws and Stripes, a foundation that pairs service animals with injured military veterans found himself in the middle of a major mess in Washington, Dulles airport. I will refrain from using the airline's name, it is evident in the article ( http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.dogheirs.com%2Felleng%2Fposts%2F1558-disabled-vet-asks-for-public-support-says-airline-workers-kicked-his-service-dog&h=-AQGwUU2r ), but the fact that this is more common than one imagines, not just in this instance, but in everyday life is heart wrenching. If you choose to read the article and view the accompanying video, be aware t...

...and quite frankly, I don't like them. There used to be a time that I could pack a 757 pit, tight, by myself. There used to be a time that I could pick up a 70 pound Great Dane and heft it into a bath tub, then dry it off...by myself. There used to be a time when I could change an alternator, a starter or even spark plugs, by myself...not anymore. Now there are days that I can't hold a fork or a glass of iced tea. I can't hold the hair dryer long enough to dry my hair and my daughter has to help me. There used to be so many things that I could do that I can't and quite honestly, I'm frustrated as all get out. I bought a truck in May, a 1973 Ford F100 with the knowledge that I could do some of the repair work by myself. I haven't worked on a vehicle since I owned my 67 Camaro and I missed it. The newer cars have computers and I was confounded whenever I went to work on my husband's Mustang because it would involve a computer somehow, so it got relegated t...

...but I know I have to. Do you ever get into one of those moods that you don't want to do anything? Nothing? Zip? Zilch? Nada? Not even go to bed? I'm beat and yet the last thing I want to do right now is go to bed. This week has been, well, Heck Week....the fibromyalgia has kicked into high gear and even laying down right now is uncomfortable. I need to sleep, but the thought of laying my whole body down and being uncomfortable is just not appealing. Its bad enough that the sleeves of my shirt are driving me buggy, but to add sheets on top of that, no thank you. Widget is even inquiring as to when I am going to decide to go to bed. His buggy little eyes are so sleepy right now, I know all he wants to do is go and make biscuits on the end of my bed and hunker down for the night...instead he's got his vulture mode going...you know the one...the one where they find the highest perch near you and then they just hang their heads and stare at you. You have to love cats.... ...

..I learned in the last month. The month of May has been, hands down, the most  difficult month that I think that I've ever experienced. Being away from home and hearth, health problems on both sides of the family and that great equalizer, death being a huge part of the month...yeah, I'm over it. The month of May was pretty much the wind down for me and my travelling the world. I was able to stay with my Mom while she had her back surgery and then some of the recovery time, which was a good thing. Dad was able to keep working so he didn't lose any time at all really. I was able to help Mom out with the things that she normally would be able to do for herself, and helped her to keep track of the medication that made her a bit loopy and a tad forgetful. This was a good thing, but a little bit stressful, so bring on a flare up. Nothing to write home about and pretty much controllable with Advil, but flareup nonetheless. The end of April and the beginning of May also brough...

Ever since I got off of the plane in Okinawa I have had allergies like crazy. Zyrtec has become my best friend lately, sorry Sandy and Christopher, but you guys seriously cannot clear my sinuses no matter how hard you try. As it is, Zyrtec is having its issues clearing this up. The allergies when I got to Japan took a wickedly weird turn for me....they made me look like a wino. Peachy. I first noticed that my nose was being attacked when it felt as if my nose was going to explode right off of my face, literally. I could physically feel my nose getting bigger. I could finally say that I knew how Pinocchio felt when he told a lie, except all I was doing was feeding my granddaughter powdered donuts. I took a look in the mirror and behold, Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer stared back at me....well, at least his nose did. Praise God there was Zyrtec in my purse. Thirty minutes later, again I could physically feel my nose changing and low and behold! my nose was its normal shade and shape aga...

Yeah, I said ow. Apparently somewhere between Arizona, El Paso and home I managed to take on a hitchhiker. This bug is really annoying. It keeps turning the faucet called my nose on and off at its whim, which sometimes causes it to back up and then go out wherever there is an escape. My nostrils, my throat....ugh! This nasty little beastie also is thinking that making my eyes water is fun, oh, and for giggles keeps tickling my throat to see how much I can cough and if I can cough enough to gag a few times. I hate cold bugs. Really, I do. No one really knows where this bug comes from. Sometimes he rides on the wind when someone sneezes or coughs. Sometimes he chills on a doorknob or another type of handle.  Sometimes he hitches a ride with the airborne pollen. This critter I think did a little of all three. And he's mighty handy in his profession, I might add. This critter apparently got to the Mom-in-law and niece before it got to me, or perhaps the Hubby brought it home from w...

Blah! I hate allergies! You know, I never had any until I moved to Tucson, then all heck broke loose! And to think, Arizona is supposed  to be a place where allergy sufferers go to get relief. Yeah, right! I found out that I'm allergic to all kinds of wonderful stuff now and its all due to the dust and dry air of Arizona. When I first got here, I was OK with it. I mean, I grew up in the desert of Nevada...north of Reno to be exact. There's more dirt and sagebrush out there than I can even fathom. So, I figured that when my first marriage broke up and I went home to mommy and daddy in Arizona that it was a pretty good place to make a fresh start. I was miserable. Not only was I broken hearted and broken, but I had a two year old Downs child to deal with. It took me a bit to decide to quit mourning what used to be and to look forward to what will be. With the grace of God and a lot of help from my folks, I got back on my feet, got a job and started doing sneezing here and there...

Yeah, I know...really dorky, but it is. I'm actually having a "fibro fog" day. The worst part of it is that it didn't hit me that's what it was until just a few minutes ago. I've heard folks talk about it, and I know that I must have experienced it more than once since this has started in earnest, but I guess I just never put two and two together. Today, as my dad was waiting for my mom to return from taking my cousin around the corner, we were having a conversation. All I really remember from the conversation is something about a dog and cars. Most of the time I was having a hard time relating the two in the conversation, so a good portion of what he said was pretty much lost. Normally I would chalk that up to zoning out on him, which I do well I might add, but this wasn't the case. Today started out with aches and pains, but I really didn't think I was going to have memory problems today as well. Another thing that really bothered me is that I co...

Yeah, some things don't mix well. Fire and gasoline, for instance or bedbugs and sleep. Another thing that doesn't mix well is extensive travel on airplanes and fibromyalgia. Never mind that I had a softball for an ankle for two days thanks to ankles that like to go out on me . Go figure, something that is supposed to be a long term relationship with the rest of my body and it steps out on me more often than an unfaithful husband. Doggone it. Anyway, the moment that my ankle actually goes down until it resembles an ankle and I have to get on a plane to get Andrea. Poor kid misses mama. She's been with Grandma and Grandpa longer than she should have been and Grandma is overdue to get some much needed surgery on her back. Just for reference, prayers are coveted for that situation. Please and thank you. So I get on the flight to Arizona and I'm in a seat by myself. No one on either side of me because I'm in a single seat on one side of the plane so I have no one to...

So, I'm on the fast track for my trip to Japan. This is really not a leisure trip, but I do get to meet my brand spanking new granddaughter and my year old granddaughter, oh, and of course my daughter and her husband. They're just there to make sure that I don't abscond with the two itty-bitties. Lol! Anyway, I have been collecting a ton of stuff to take with me, but my problem right now is.... how the heck is this all going to fit??  Oh, and I have to have room for my clothes, too. I think I have the problem solved, I have a couple of those space bags, you know the ones that you take the sucker part of the vacuum hose to so that they shrink to a rock hard slab of plastic? Yeah, those. I have two of them and I'm afraid that I'm going to have to get more just to have room enough for my clothes. And  I have a big suitcase, too...one big enough to stuff me in. OK, no cracks here, if I fold myself in half and unzip the extension part, I'll fit. Happy? So, back to ...

So, I'm finding that I'm settling in to the fact that Angel is home where she belongs, but it is kind of quiet around here, with the exception of Gir taking off after one of her babies on occasion. Today, however, was one of those days when everything got to me. I woke up with a full blown migraine and  body aches. So, I had to decide whether I wanted to kill the body aches and deal with the migraine, or kill the migraine and deal with the body aches. I opted for the latter.The ibuprofen will mostly take away the migraine and slightly diminish the body aches. The Vicodin, however, will totally take away the body aches and not touch the migraine. Go figure. So, instead of concocting evil plots in my pounding head to dispose of everything and everyone who is making the noise that makes my head throb even more, I opted to get rid of the headache. The other I deal with on a daily basis to some degree or another and I'm capable of ignoring most of it until it starts to turn in...