Apparently there are limitations with Fibromyalgia....
...and quite frankly, I don't like them. There used to be a time that I could pack a 757 pit, tight, by myself. There used to be a time that I could pick up a 70 pound Great Dane and heft it into a bath tub, then dry it off...by myself. There used to be a time when I could change an alternator, a starter or even spark plugs, by myself...not anymore. Now there are days that I can't hold a fork or a glass of iced tea. I can't hold the hair dryer long enough to dry my hair and my daughter has to help me. There used to be so many things that I could do that I can't and quite honestly, I'm frustrated as all get out.
I bought a truck in May, a 1973 Ford F100 with the knowledge that I could do some of the repair work by myself. I haven't worked on a vehicle since I owned my 67 Camaro and I missed it. The newer cars have computers and I was confounded whenever I went to work on my husband's Mustang because it would involve a computer somehow, so it got relegated to the mechanic when there was a problem. When I was presented with the opportunity to purchase this truck, since I found it so ugly and was questioning God's provision, which I should know better than doing, I had to find an upside. That upside was that I didn't have a computer to deal with and the repairs were straight forward. The repairs are still straight forward, but now I have to deal with limitations. My own.
When I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel back in the late 80's, the common fix was surgery, cast and therapy consisting of six weeks of down time, now, its arthroscopic and minimal downtime. I have it in both hands, but the left was inconsequential enough to not have it done then. Now, twenty plus years later not only is the right hand weakened but the carpal tunnel has extended all the way into my left shoulder. I don't know if repair is possible at this point, but I will be inquiring with my doctor eventually on this. Add into that the fibromyalgia which seems to weaken my muscles in my upper arms and shoulders, and when I am exerting pressure to loosen an overly tightened bolt, the sweat comes on and the nerves start blasting off. My arms go into the "I'm just waking up mode" with pins and needles making it difficult to do anything much less loosen a bolt. I'm incredibly frustrated and angry that I have this disorder.
I'm frustrated because I get so tired and have to ask my daughter once again to run the vacuum because my legs feel like jello. I'm frustrated because I have dropped so many things during the day that I have to ask my husband or my daughter or both to help me with dishes, whether its getting them out of the cupboard or unloading the dishwasher. I'm frustrated when I do my blog that sometimes it takes enormous amounts of time to put so little to the page because I have to take breaks to get the feeling back in my fingers. I'm frustrated because I can't ride a bike much anymore without losing my balance. I'm frustrated because I can't do what I used to do and I'm angry because I can't.
There is one thing, though. I still have faith. When I can't do what I would like, there is the faith that God will make a way for things to get done. He keeps me on solid ground when I want to crumble and curl up into a little ball in the corner of my room and have a pity party. He has surrounded me with friends and family that support me and are there for me when I just can't do what I need to do, and He loves me even when I can't love myself.
Am I frustrated? Yes, beyond words. Am I angry? Oh, yes, many times I just want to scream at the unfairness of the situation. Will I give up? Not on a bet, because I am constantly reminding myself of one of God's promises: Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.....even if I don't always succeed.
I bought a truck in May, a 1973 Ford F100 with the knowledge that I could do some of the repair work by myself. I haven't worked on a vehicle since I owned my 67 Camaro and I missed it. The newer cars have computers and I was confounded whenever I went to work on my husband's Mustang because it would involve a computer somehow, so it got relegated to the mechanic when there was a problem. When I was presented with the opportunity to purchase this truck, since I found it so ugly and was questioning God's provision, which I should know better than doing, I had to find an upside. That upside was that I didn't have a computer to deal with and the repairs were straight forward. The repairs are still straight forward, but now I have to deal with limitations. My own.
When I was diagnosed with carpal tunnel back in the late 80's, the common fix was surgery, cast and therapy consisting of six weeks of down time, now, its arthroscopic and minimal downtime. I have it in both hands, but the left was inconsequential enough to not have it done then. Now, twenty plus years later not only is the right hand weakened but the carpal tunnel has extended all the way into my left shoulder. I don't know if repair is possible at this point, but I will be inquiring with my doctor eventually on this. Add into that the fibromyalgia which seems to weaken my muscles in my upper arms and shoulders, and when I am exerting pressure to loosen an overly tightened bolt, the sweat comes on and the nerves start blasting off. My arms go into the "I'm just waking up mode" with pins and needles making it difficult to do anything much less loosen a bolt. I'm incredibly frustrated and angry that I have this disorder.
I'm frustrated because I get so tired and have to ask my daughter once again to run the vacuum because my legs feel like jello. I'm frustrated because I have dropped so many things during the day that I have to ask my husband or my daughter or both to help me with dishes, whether its getting them out of the cupboard or unloading the dishwasher. I'm frustrated when I do my blog that sometimes it takes enormous amounts of time to put so little to the page because I have to take breaks to get the feeling back in my fingers. I'm frustrated because I can't ride a bike much anymore without losing my balance. I'm frustrated because I can't do what I used to do and I'm angry because I can't.
There is one thing, though. I still have faith. When I can't do what I would like, there is the faith that God will make a way for things to get done. He keeps me on solid ground when I want to crumble and curl up into a little ball in the corner of my room and have a pity party. He has surrounded me with friends and family that support me and are there for me when I just can't do what I need to do, and He loves me even when I can't love myself.
Am I frustrated? Yes, beyond words. Am I angry? Oh, yes, many times I just want to scream at the unfairness of the situation. Will I give up? Not on a bet, because I am constantly reminding myself of one of God's promises: Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.....even if I don't always succeed.
Amen Sister! I'm right there with you :( I'm even more frustrated no because of a recent post I was reading about the disabled vs new jobs. Apparently some people believe that disabled people have no pride and don't WANT to work, we are uneducated, and we want to live off of the government (not that we've paid anything into our own ss!)and be lazy all day! ugh! I feel your pain! My arms have been messed up for 17 years (I won't go into all the details) and I can't do all I used to do and frustration is the biggest understatement isn't it?! UGH!
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