Fight or flight?

I have a panic/anxiety disorder. I figured I'd put that right out there for you. **smile** In talking with other folks who have fibromyalgia, I found that quite a few of them have one or the other, or both, and it's a constant battle. The one thing that folks with these disorders want, is you to be there...to remind them to breathe, that the world isn't going to end. Its not something that you can "just get over," it's a real problem. The fight or flight mode gets activated and sometimes its just a matter of a few moments and we can get centered again. Sometimes longer. I know with me, when I hit that mode, after all is said and done, I feel like I've been run over by a few monster trucks, and a steam roller for good measure. If I could sleep for two days after, I would. Bless his heart, my husband has his hands full, but I am beyond thankful to God for putting him into my life. He is my rock, besides Christ, of course, and I love him more and more each day. Okay...done with the mushy stuff.

Just a bit of background. About six years ago, I was diagnosed with a benign meningioma...an 8mm tumor that is right above my left ear on the meninges of my brain. It hasn't bothered me until this year, and this year has had its fair share of stress. My thought on this is that the stress has caused it to make changes to itself. I go Monday for an MRI to see what those changes are. That said, apparently it took me to one whopper of an anxiety attack. Those I don't have very often, mostly I have the golf-ball-in-the-chest panic attacks. Those I can and do deal with and move on, if they're not too bad. This anxiety attack took me to a different universe.

Its not enough that I've been on a roller-coaster of panic attacks all year. Let me tell you, they suck. After having at least one a month since March, I can pretty much tell what my day is like when I get up in the mornings, and when I have the issue, I can for the most part, deal with it. Mostly. A couple of them have been monsters and have knocked me out for a couple of days, as it were. Body pain and general exhaustion are the knock-out punches with those.

This thing sent my brain into a massive flurry of panic. My blood pressure went up, but my pulse stayed under 95...but the "conversation" in my head was unreal. If I could sort out all that I remember, it would be a scary thing. All I can tell you for sure is that my fight or flight mode went off, and I decided to fight. And cry. A lot.

Praise God for my husband, who talked me back to center, and despite working all day, stepped up and made dinner and took care of me, and the girls. Otherwise I would have been a mess, I promise.

All this to say, when someone you know or love has this disorder, please be patient. Yesterday I didn't know if I was coming or going, I just knew that I had to be victorious over the anxiety. Yes, I was praying constantly, but my brain was louder, to me, than my prayers. I know they were answered when my husband automatically stepped up, the girls calmed down and the dogs didn't bark...much. By the time it was bedtime for everyone, I was back to normal...whatever that is for me, fussing at the computer that decided that it was a good time to update. Slowly.  This morning, although all I wanted to do was sleep, I knew it was a better day because my head was clear, free from all of the "what-ifs," and "you're gonna die" thoughts that kept filling my mind yesterday.

That's it...I just needed to get this out there. Kind of a therapeutic thing, I guess. Like I said, if you know someone, or someone you love has this nonsense, please be patient. It's not for attention, I promise...it sucks big time to have it and not know for sure when or if it's going to go off. Just be patient. It passes.

Have a blessed weekend, and if I don't show up before then, have a wonderful Thanksgiving.