I'm always going to be Mama...
I try, really I do, but I just can't help it. I am the Mama. I'm not the Mother-in-law from Hades, I don't think, but I do drive my little girl buggy and my son-in-law thinks that I'm just a bubble off. I really can't help it because she's a world away and there's no way that I can get to her even by airplane to comfort her when she's down or upset, help with the babies when she's overwhelmed or just step in to babysit when the kids need some time for themselves. Japan has its beauty, but its a tough place for her to be, in my opinion.
When she married she was on top of the world. She was marrying a young man who stole her heart in high school and moving across the Country to North Carolina. That was a pain, but nothing insurmountable, the plane ride was minimal and I didn't need a passport. When the Marines transferred him to Japan, Okinawa to be exact, at first she was excited, but the excitement waned soon after they were there. The culture was different, the friends that she thought were going to be there with them since they were supposed to be transferring at the same time weren't going to be there and she was pregnant with her second child. It had to be tough for her. As for me, I couldn't be Mama....
Beth and I have been closer than we had been when she was a teenager. There weren't too many days when she was in North Carolina that we didn't talk to each other. When we talked on the phone, it didn't have to be about anything in particular, we could talk about donuts and we were good with it. Now, with skype, when it chooses to work, sometimes just having the screen on and our faces present on the other's computer and no one talks, well, that's OK, too. Sometimes, though, I wish that I could just hold my baby girl, stroke her hair and just smile at her pretty face.
With Andrea, I have the opportunity to have her always. She will never leave my side, she will never have children or a home of her own, she will always be my Mouse and be with me. There will be and have been times that she drives me batty insane, but her heart at times is pure gold. When I am facing a day that I am in pain because of the fibromyalgia, she is there helping where she can, sometimes to the point of hovering, but I am still grateful for her help. When I need a hug, she's right there hugging me until I can't breath. Of course, like quite a few Downs kids she talks to herself, and we are trying to break her of it, but our success rate is abysmal at best. I don't have to travel to console her, she walks into my bedroom and lets me know she needs me. I am her most favoritest mama ever, and she will always need me.
Beth, doesn't always need me. She's married now and Stephen is there to console her when she's upset or down. He is there to be her helpmate, her friend, her love. He is there to stroke her hair, to hold her hand or to give her a hug when she needs it. She doesn't always need mama now. Its such a bittersweet thing for me and its tough to let go. We have facebook so that I can keep track of the babies and how much they've grown since I saw them in March, we have skype so that we can talk and see each other in real time, but I can't be there to be her protector like I've always been....that's Stephen's job and I have to accept that even when I don't want to.
So, yeah, I may be Mama always, but there is a time that I have to let her live her own life. I have to let go and let her make her own way, her own mistakes, her own victories, but I hope that she knows that mama will always be there when she needs her, no matter what.
I love you, Punky, no matter how much I drive you buggy.
When she married she was on top of the world. She was marrying a young man who stole her heart in high school and moving across the Country to North Carolina. That was a pain, but nothing insurmountable, the plane ride was minimal and I didn't need a passport. When the Marines transferred him to Japan, Okinawa to be exact, at first she was excited, but the excitement waned soon after they were there. The culture was different, the friends that she thought were going to be there with them since they were supposed to be transferring at the same time weren't going to be there and she was pregnant with her second child. It had to be tough for her. As for me, I couldn't be Mama....
Beth and I have been closer than we had been when she was a teenager. There weren't too many days when she was in North Carolina that we didn't talk to each other. When we talked on the phone, it didn't have to be about anything in particular, we could talk about donuts and we were good with it. Now, with skype, when it chooses to work, sometimes just having the screen on and our faces present on the other's computer and no one talks, well, that's OK, too. Sometimes, though, I wish that I could just hold my baby girl, stroke her hair and just smile at her pretty face.
With Andrea, I have the opportunity to have her always. She will never leave my side, she will never have children or a home of her own, she will always be my Mouse and be with me. There will be and have been times that she drives me batty insane, but her heart at times is pure gold. When I am facing a day that I am in pain because of the fibromyalgia, she is there helping where she can, sometimes to the point of hovering, but I am still grateful for her help. When I need a hug, she's right there hugging me until I can't breath. Of course, like quite a few Downs kids she talks to herself, and we are trying to break her of it, but our success rate is abysmal at best. I don't have to travel to console her, she walks into my bedroom and lets me know she needs me. I am her most favoritest mama ever, and she will always need me.
Beth, doesn't always need me. She's married now and Stephen is there to console her when she's upset or down. He is there to be her helpmate, her friend, her love. He is there to stroke her hair, to hold her hand or to give her a hug when she needs it. She doesn't always need mama now. Its such a bittersweet thing for me and its tough to let go. We have facebook so that I can keep track of the babies and how much they've grown since I saw them in March, we have skype so that we can talk and see each other in real time, but I can't be there to be her protector like I've always been....that's Stephen's job and I have to accept that even when I don't want to.
So, yeah, I may be Mama always, but there is a time that I have to let her live her own life. I have to let go and let her make her own way, her own mistakes, her own victories, but I hope that she knows that mama will always be there when she needs her, no matter what.
I love you, Punky, no matter how much I drive you buggy.
In a few years, she will figure it out. That first day of school will start her understanding of how hard it really is.
ReplyDeleteThank you for your comment. Actually, this was more about me than her, lamenting on how difficult this transition is for me sometimes. She is a good wife, mother and daughter and I couldn't be more proud of her.
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