Sometimes I wonder if its worth it to care at all....

I know that is kind of a pessimistic outlook, but I'm kind of down. See, I saw something that made me want to take action on....I did and I was heartbroken in the process.

The other day, on my Facebook feed, I saw a sweet face that I fell in love with. The fact that he very much reminded me of my sweet Draco, who passed away on his 11th birthday because he severed his spinal cord, only made me fall in love with him more. The object of my affections? An eight year old Australian Shepherd named Morton. 

Morton had been a stray and after having gone through the requisite quarantine period was then shifted to the "old folks" section of the shelter. He had had a rough time of it, he was emaciated, malnourished and of course, eight years old. I tried throughout the afternoon to ignore the picture that kept popping up, but I just couldn't. So, I did what I knew I was going to do in the first place. I sent an email to my dear Hubby asking him if I could spring Morton and bring him home to someone who would love him. I didn't get a text or call back, so at the time I took it that the answer was no. 

Not ten minutes after I sent the message, I saw another post on my timeline about the airport. There had been a shooting at the airlines ticket area that my Hubby works at. Granted, he works at the boarding gates, but on occasion he does visit the counter, especially at that time of day as its close to going home time for him. I called him to make sure that he was alright, and then I got the answer to my previous question...go ahead and get him. So, Andrea and I loaded up and we took off for the shelter.

When we got there, finding Morton was no problem at all. Getting him out of the kennel was a bit of a struggle because the other Aussie, who was a mix, wanted out, too. Since my eyes were only on Morton, I know the little guy vying for my attention had to have been pretty disappointed. When I got Morton out of the kennel, I was surprised at his condition. You could literally feel his spine, see his hip bones and his femurs. He was in sorry shape. Andrea and I took him outside, walked him around and I knew I wanted to take him home, so we went in to start the paperwork. 

The director of the shelter was ecstatic that we were going to take Morton home and waived the fees for adoption. I suppose in hindsight that should have been my first red flag. I asked if I could take him into the clinic to make sure that all we were dealing with was a case of malnutrition and I was cleared to go in. When the vet looked at him, she immediately said that I shouldn't adopt him. She pointed out the ear infection, the weak hips and the droop in the left side of his face. When she listened to his heart, she suggested (as the director came in to check on his progress) that he be put down. That started a very loud argument. I asked if it were possible that he was just malnourished and maybe was heart worm positive, and  the vet said that it was possible and gave the heart worm test. It came back negative. As I was waiting for the results, the director suggested that I get a second opinion, which they would cover. I told her that I would, especially since it was my personal veterinarian that she recommended. We went immediately over to see him.

When we got there, our normal vet wasn't the one who attended Morton, one of the other vets did. I had never met her before, but she was gentle with him and with us, telling us everything that she was seeing and hearing. She suggested that I take him back to the shelter. I asked if the fact that he was malnourished was indeed the reason for the rapid heartbeat and she said no. In her opinion, there was way too many things that were wrong and that Morton was "terminal", in fact there was reason to wonder how he made it on the car ride or this far at all. I was beside myself, she was beside herself and it was a difficult call. Chris called at this time and we discussed the matter. He was hesitant to bring him home because of all that was going on because he didn't want him passing during the night and having to deal with my hysterics the following day. I understood the concern and told him I would talk to our vet about this. In the meantime, the other vet tried to contact the shelter and our vet had looked at Morton himself. When the attending vet returned, she also returned with a form to release him for euthanasia. When I asked about it, she said that he also had distemper, that the drooping was caused most likely by a stroke and that the rapid heartbeat was critical heart disease. She left me for a few minutes with Morton, who was sleeping on the floor. As I prayed and contemplated his fate, his breathing, I noticed, had become erratic and a couple of times had stopped for quite a few seconds before starting back up again. When she returned, I told her what had happened and that I had decided that with the pain and all that was going on that it was the only right thing to do. I was heartbroken. All I wanted to do was to crawl into a hole. When the assistant came to get him, I asked that he get a meal and a chance to have a little freedom before they put him down. She said that she would make sure of it.

Before I left, I got to speak to our vet about the situation. My concern was that the shelter would believe that I took him to just put him down...and I was wondering as well if I did the right thing. He assured me that I did do the right thing. His distemper was so bad that it was questionable that if I had brought him home, even though Bailey is fully protected, if he would indeed pass it on to her, not to mention the cats. The fact that he had had a stroke brought into question whether or not he would have another one in the very near future, and as for his heart, it was quite the possibility that it would give out at any time. He told me that if this were his dog and he were to be in my position, that he would have the same misgivings, wondering if he could help him to rally, but being a veterinarian and seeing the whole picture that Morton rallying back was an impossibility. I had indeed done the right thing. 

I really do wonder sometimes if I should care at all about the animals out there that have no one to love them. God gave me a compassionate heart towards animals, and I love that, but sometimes, I wonder if the heartbreak is worth it. My heart still aches over Morton, who I only knew for a few hours. I wonder if I could have helped him rally back to health, but then I look at the odds that were stacked against him and realize that I can't save them all.