Of course! As the title states, I'm Mama...Always.
This is for all of the young parents out there and not specifically for one or two, as one person is surely to think. Although, come to think of it, this person probably should consider this as well, but you don't have to. Just saying.
First off, I want to quantify the following blog by saying this: As a parent, I stunk. There, I said it. I worked too much, I yelled too much and I blew the teenagers off by dismissing the theatrics as teenage drama and bull. I did a lot of things that I swore I would never do when I was a kid and watched my parents make those same faux pas on me and my brother. In a nutshell. I sucked. HOWEVER.
What I did do is I loved them, maybe too much. They always were the first thing in my mind even if at the time to them it looked totally opposite. My heart is theirs, then, now and forever...well, theirs and God's and Chris', not necessarily in that order.
They learned morals, even though they probably thought that I was being old fashioned. They learned where to look for what is right and wrong, even though sometimes they took the wrong way. They know that there is a God and He has a Son who is the Savior of the world. They were dragged to church. They went to visit family. They learned respect for their elders and for others. They learned that they have the freedom of choice and to blame someone else for their decisions didn't fly. They learned to have respect for authority, even if they didn't like the person. Did they do what they were taught all of the time? No, but they were taught these things, they know these things, even if these things are not always put into practice.
Now that I've gone through a bit of a rant, here's my point.
You are a parent. You made that choice, whether it was consciously or sub-consciously, and you now have a responsibility. I understand that you are tired, that you work all day and come home to kids who don't always behave. They're young, they will learn, but what they learn is up to you.
We have seen in the news lately the problems with this society. I am not here to accuse the parents of anything. I have no idea what their home life was, what these children have gone through or even their mental states. I do know that when a child loses hope that they've lost everything. As a parent, we have to be proactive, even when they think we're being intrusive. There has to be boundaries, discipline and most of all love, because with the love there is hope. And the love has to be unconditional. So what if your child has decided to paint their bodies with all kinds of tattoos, piercings or their hair is twenty different colors. So what if they have decided that they are gay, that they want no children, that they want to be monks. Who cares if they want to go into ministry? The thing is, you don't have to agree with their decisions...you don't even have to like the decisions, to be honest, you don't even have to like your kids, but you have to love them. You had a hand in creating them and now you are responsible for making them fit for society, whatever part that entails.
Do not give them everything that they want. Sometimes it's alright to say no. Make sure that they eat properly and on some sort of schedule. This gives them a chance to have a healthy life. Yes, there will be things that happen; cancer happens, diabetes happens, epilepsy happens, accidents happens, but you can give them a base to fall back on. Praise them when they do well, never, never belittle them or make them think that they are unworthy of your love, of life. To do so would be like "hanging a millstone around your neck", not a stellar idea. Let them know that its okay to not be good at everything. There have to be some construction workers, sanitation workers and pavement painters in this world as well as the occasional rocket scientist, actress or president. Everything has to be even in order to maintain function. Make sure they know that not everyone deserves a prize just for participating, sometimes you lose and its okay. But never encourage them not to try to reach the stars. Teach them to try and fail is just as important as trying and winning. To give up without even trying is a defeatist attitude that should never be encouraged.
Teach them that what they want to have involves some sort of work. If you gain the world without working for what you have, you will want more and more and never be satisfied with what you have. To be content with what you have is a good thing. To work for some luxuries is okay, but don't let it hurt the relationship with your children. Don't let the "want" for "the good things in life" cloud your judgement and make you spend long hours at work, to do so will make sure that you miss out on the milestones.
Never let them play one parent against the other...and parents, never belittle the other parent in front of the children. Right or wrong, the "offending" parent is still their mom or dad. Let them see the unity and not the division. One parent cannot be the "good cop" while the other is the "bad cop". Not a good idea. The children will learn the art of manipulation which is not a good thing. You need to sit down as parents and hash out the rules with each other, privately. You must come in agreement that you and your children's other parent, whether you are married or not, have to agree that if one parent says no, the other has to stand firm, even if you don't agree. Disagree in private, quietly. If candy or junk food or sodas are given by one parent and healthy food, water, milk is given by the other, the children are going to gravitate to the "good" (i.e. junk food) stuff. It is what it is. Kids like the pleasurable stuff, not the stuff that is good for them as a general rule. I'm not advocating that all junk should be zeroed out of the diet, I'm just saying everything in moderation. To do otherwise sets your children up for health issues in the future; obesity, eating disorders, health problems. There's scientific evidence for this one, don't take my word for it, folks.
I know, a lot of great words that sometimes I didn't follow. Like I said, I kind of sucked at being a parent when my girls were younger, but I did learn from my mistakes. And I hope that the lessons that I have learned can be passed to my daughters, to my grandchildren without it seeming like I'm preaching something that I never did. Being a hypocrite of sorts.
Anyway, I know that this is kind of a long, uhm...rant, but it was on my heart this morning and I felt that it just had to be said. I hope I didn't run you all in tight little circles and that I gave you some food for thought. I'm not saying that you have to do everything that I suggest, that is strictly your choice. What I am saying is that you are responsible for someone else other than yourself now. Taking time off will wait. Retirement may seem to be a long way off, but it will be there eventually. Being a deadbeat mom or dad is criminal (IMHO) as is letting the kids do whatever they want whenever they want. Be responsible. Take ownership of the fact that you are a parent and your job is to make sure that they are able to function in this screwed up world without taking out half a city because their Big Mac was cold. Give them a sense of pride, of purpose, of faith in the One who gave them to us in the first place. And love them, tell them you love them and then teach them how to love.
Maranatha!
First off, I want to quantify the following blog by saying this: As a parent, I stunk. There, I said it. I worked too much, I yelled too much and I blew the teenagers off by dismissing the theatrics as teenage drama and bull. I did a lot of things that I swore I would never do when I was a kid and watched my parents make those same faux pas on me and my brother. In a nutshell. I sucked. HOWEVER.
What I did do is I loved them, maybe too much. They always were the first thing in my mind even if at the time to them it looked totally opposite. My heart is theirs, then, now and forever...well, theirs and God's and Chris', not necessarily in that order.
They learned morals, even though they probably thought that I was being old fashioned. They learned where to look for what is right and wrong, even though sometimes they took the wrong way. They know that there is a God and He has a Son who is the Savior of the world. They were dragged to church. They went to visit family. They learned respect for their elders and for others. They learned that they have the freedom of choice and to blame someone else for their decisions didn't fly. They learned to have respect for authority, even if they didn't like the person. Did they do what they were taught all of the time? No, but they were taught these things, they know these things, even if these things are not always put into practice.
Now that I've gone through a bit of a rant, here's my point.
You are a parent. You made that choice, whether it was consciously or sub-consciously, and you now have a responsibility. I understand that you are tired, that you work all day and come home to kids who don't always behave. They're young, they will learn, but what they learn is up to you.
We have seen in the news lately the problems with this society. I am not here to accuse the parents of anything. I have no idea what their home life was, what these children have gone through or even their mental states. I do know that when a child loses hope that they've lost everything. As a parent, we have to be proactive, even when they think we're being intrusive. There has to be boundaries, discipline and most of all love, because with the love there is hope. And the love has to be unconditional. So what if your child has decided to paint their bodies with all kinds of tattoos, piercings or their hair is twenty different colors. So what if they have decided that they are gay, that they want no children, that they want to be monks. Who cares if they want to go into ministry? The thing is, you don't have to agree with their decisions...you don't even have to like the decisions, to be honest, you don't even have to like your kids, but you have to love them. You had a hand in creating them and now you are responsible for making them fit for society, whatever part that entails.
Do not give them everything that they want. Sometimes it's alright to say no. Make sure that they eat properly and on some sort of schedule. This gives them a chance to have a healthy life. Yes, there will be things that happen; cancer happens, diabetes happens, epilepsy happens, accidents happens, but you can give them a base to fall back on. Praise them when they do well, never, never belittle them or make them think that they are unworthy of your love, of life. To do so would be like "hanging a millstone around your neck", not a stellar idea. Let them know that its okay to not be good at everything. There have to be some construction workers, sanitation workers and pavement painters in this world as well as the occasional rocket scientist, actress or president. Everything has to be even in order to maintain function. Make sure they know that not everyone deserves a prize just for participating, sometimes you lose and its okay. But never encourage them not to try to reach the stars. Teach them to try and fail is just as important as trying and winning. To give up without even trying is a defeatist attitude that should never be encouraged.
Teach them that what they want to have involves some sort of work. If you gain the world without working for what you have, you will want more and more and never be satisfied with what you have. To be content with what you have is a good thing. To work for some luxuries is okay, but don't let it hurt the relationship with your children. Don't let the "want" for "the good things in life" cloud your judgement and make you spend long hours at work, to do so will make sure that you miss out on the milestones.
Never let them play one parent against the other...and parents, never belittle the other parent in front of the children. Right or wrong, the "offending" parent is still their mom or dad. Let them see the unity and not the division. One parent cannot be the "good cop" while the other is the "bad cop". Not a good idea. The children will learn the art of manipulation which is not a good thing. You need to sit down as parents and hash out the rules with each other, privately. You must come in agreement that you and your children's other parent, whether you are married or not, have to agree that if one parent says no, the other has to stand firm, even if you don't agree. Disagree in private, quietly. If candy or junk food or sodas are given by one parent and healthy food, water, milk is given by the other, the children are going to gravitate to the "good" (i.e. junk food) stuff. It is what it is. Kids like the pleasurable stuff, not the stuff that is good for them as a general rule. I'm not advocating that all junk should be zeroed out of the diet, I'm just saying everything in moderation. To do otherwise sets your children up for health issues in the future; obesity, eating disorders, health problems. There's scientific evidence for this one, don't take my word for it, folks.
I know, a lot of great words that sometimes I didn't follow. Like I said, I kind of sucked at being a parent when my girls were younger, but I did learn from my mistakes. And I hope that the lessons that I have learned can be passed to my daughters, to my grandchildren without it seeming like I'm preaching something that I never did. Being a hypocrite of sorts.
Anyway, I know that this is kind of a long, uhm...rant, but it was on my heart this morning and I felt that it just had to be said. I hope I didn't run you all in tight little circles and that I gave you some food for thought. I'm not saying that you have to do everything that I suggest, that is strictly your choice. What I am saying is that you are responsible for someone else other than yourself now. Taking time off will wait. Retirement may seem to be a long way off, but it will be there eventually. Being a deadbeat mom or dad is criminal (IMHO) as is letting the kids do whatever they want whenever they want. Be responsible. Take ownership of the fact that you are a parent and your job is to make sure that they are able to function in this screwed up world without taking out half a city because their Big Mac was cold. Give them a sense of pride, of purpose, of faith in the One who gave them to us in the first place. And love them, tell them you love them and then teach them how to love.
Maranatha!
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