Mama Always ~ L.A. Brown, Author

I sat here and looked at my blank screen for quite a while. I want to say so much, but I don't know what to say or where to start. My first best friend, my Sister-Cousin Debi, has gone to Glory. Its not as if we didn't expect her passing, because we did. We knew this was coming, even with all of the prayers for complete healing, we still knew. And, I daresay, we mentioned to God for His will to be done, knowing that He was finishing his preparation for her to go Home, but still we held out hope. Debi was released to home hospice I think about three weeks ago, with the warning that she had between 48 hours and two months left. There was hopeful news in there, too...her lungs were clear as a bell. It made me think we were on an upward trend, and encouraged me to continue to pray for healing. But in the back of my mind, I knew. Lord, I knew that her time was limited. So I went down there to her one more time. I spent more time with her...I made her laugh, checked her throwing ...

Well, I'm home from a weekend seeing my cousin, Debi. To be honest with you, even when I left, I felt that things were not going to go well. Apparently God has different plans. Now whether or not He is going to go all out or not is yet to be seen, but as I mentioned above, I'm more than willing to wait in eager anticipation. When I got to my parent's house Thursday, I was beat (my Cousin and her family live next door). I told my parents that I'd go next door to see her the next day. Her daughters and grandsons came in on Friday morning,and I went with Mom and Dad to Benson earlier in the day. After lunch/dinner, I told them I was going next door. When I hiked the, oh, 1/32nd of an acre to their door, I was greeted by my Cousin-in-Love and his son. I was a little surprised at how much weight she had lost since my last visit in January. Not much meat on those bones. I talked with her for a little bit, but she got tired easily, so I left. The next day, Kristina and I w...

This has been a tough weekend, no doubt about it. Seeing my cousin was all at once wonderful, but the circumstances makes it tough. Hands down, probably one of the toughest. My dear cousin, the one fighting cancer, is fighting the good fight, but she's tired. The fight is almost over for her, and part of me is glad...a very small part. The other, larger part of me wants to see her miraculously healed, jumping up and suggesting we go shopping, or to Tombstone, or horseback riding, but the whole of me is in actuality, a realist. I want to believe that will happen, but the reality of it is, she's winding down. She's ready for the pain to be over. She's ready to hang up her gloves...and I'm sad. I've also seen a side of my Cousin-in-Law that makes me glad that she chose him, almost 38 years ago, to be her husband. I mentioned before, I was in her wedding, met him then. Thought he was a bit...over the top maybe. But she loved him with a fierce love, and that love...