Suicide is NOT Painless
There was a movie, and later a television series a few decades back called M*A*S*H. Some of you may be familiar with it, or the music that introduced it to our living rooms every week. The theme song was Suicide is Painless (written by Johnny Mandell and Mike Altman), and it was written for a specific scene in the movie M*A*S*H, in which Walter "Painless Pole" Waldowski was depressed and felt hopeless. His friends and colleagues set up a faux "Last Supper" and "suicide" in the effort to help. The result was a "better" Painless Pole, but that is just the movies.
In the United States alone, suicide is one of 3 leading causes of death. According to the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2018/p0607-suicide-prevention.html), it is the 3rd leading cause of death among 10-14 year olds; 2nd cause among 15-24, and 25-34 year olds; 4th among 35-44 year olds; 5th among the 45-54 year age bracket; and 8th among those ages 55-64. Half of those who were successful did not have a known mental health condition.
Among the causes of suicide and suicide attempts were:
*relationship problems or loss
*substance abuse
*physical, mental, emotional, verbal abuse
*physical health
*financial struggles
*legal issues
*housing
According to the article, guns are the most used. Medications, jumps, physical harm involving vehicles/police action or noxious fumes are among the instruments involved. A great deal of individuals are hospitalized due to the attempts, and many see the inside of a hospital more than once due to multiple attempts.
For the ones who have had someone in their lives who were successful, suicide is definitely not painless. It hurts, and can be with them for a lifetime. The what-ifs will haunt them and in so many cases, talking to professional help will be in their future. They will deal daily with the grief of loss, the anger will surface, at themselves and the one who took their life, the guilt over not being there for them, for not seeing the signs, for not helping when it was needed, for being too busy and brushing them off...it will all be present. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem for both the person who died, and the ones left behind.
So, why am I writing about this today? Because a dear friend, who has struggled all her life with factors beyond her control, attempted to take her own life just under two weeks ago. Praise God she was unsuccessful, but this wasn't the first time she'd tried, and from her own mouth, it won't be the last. This grieved me beyond words. She is almost two thousand miles away from me by car, many hours away by plane. Me getting to her at any given time will take time, precious time...but I am available to her by phone anytime, day or night. Still, I feel as if it's not enough. Not enough to take the feeling of hopelessness and isolation away. The emptiness she must feel, I can't even begin to imagine. I can only be the one she turns to, the one she calls when she feels as if the walls are closing in on her again. And I will be.
We talked for some time last night. She was telling me, after we got past the initial proclamation that this won't be the last time, that she felt lonely, isolated, discarded like so much rubbish. My heart broke with each word and silently I was wracking my brain to come up with ways that I could help...somehow. But I fell short. Praying during our conversation for wisdom and the words to say was the only thing that I could do.
After a while, the conversation moved to her "new" home, a travel trailer that she purchased to fix up, and call her own. No more would she worry about where she could go, there would be no more worries about being homeless. That monkey, at least is off her back, and for that I'm grateful. Then she started to come away from the sad, hopeless tone of voice that began our conversation. I could hear in her voice the excitement about fixing the trailer up. She was projecting the finished project to me, telling me what needed to be done still, and what it will look like when she was done. I knew, for now at least, that she was okay, but caution is still going to be with me, and communication will be prevalent.
While the outcome right now is a positive one, the possibility remains that this will not be the last time we have this talk. I am one of her Gatekeepers, there is another, the gentleman she has been seeing for the last few years, is the other. Together, we have a mighty giant to contend with, and its not going to be easy. It is not something we signed up for, but because we love this woman with all of our hearts, we are going to help her fight this demon, and hopefully help her be victorious.
There's another thing. As most of you know, I am a Christian woman. Prayer is vital in my life, and the lives of those I know and love, their salvation, is my priority when I pray for them. This woman, well, she is in my prayers daily as a general rule, now almost constantly since the attempt. I know she is not a believer, she has told me so, but she also knows that I am among the ones who pray, and she has seen results from those prayers many times. She knows that God listens to those who come to Him, those that are His, and she depends on that. But, she has not, and will not, at least not right now, reached out to Jesus to save her. I can't tell you how distressed this makes me. See, to have my friend of over 45 years feel as if there is no hope, even in the One who died for her and you and me, frustrates me. To know that if she were successful in her attempt, that she would be lost forever, grieves me. I have tried witnessing to her, I pray for her daily and now constantly, and she knows that, and yet, she is still sure there is nothing left...not here, and certainly not after death.
The Bible says that Jesus told the thief on the cross that, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise." (emphasis mine) Luke 23:43. That is a wonderful promise to all who put their trust in the only One who can save them from eternal damnation, and a wonderful hope...a life where loneliness, pain, suffering, tears, all of those things that pound on these folks now will never be spoken or felt again. Oh, how I desire this for her! I know Jesus can take the internal pain away, the hopelessness, the desire to harm herself. The physical pain, the actions of family and past relationships will still be there. the physical health problems will still be there, but there will be a peace that she will not be able to explain. I know this. I pray for this.
Know the signs.
1. Be aware of changes in behaviors or new, unexpected behaviors, especially if the behaviors are in response to a loss, painful event or change. Listen to them...sometimes even in casual conversation the warning signs are there.
2. In conversation. Listen for suggestions that they'd be better off, or their family would be better off if they were dead. Feelings of hopelessness. Feeling as if they're a burden. Feeling as if they're trapped. Feeling isolated. Unbearable pain.
3. Watch their behaviors. Increased drug or alcohol use. Researching on ways to commit suicide. Withdrawing from activities or isolating themselves from family or friends. Sleeping too much or too little. Calling friends and family to say goodbye, and that they love them. Giving away possessions. Aggression. Fatigue
4. And finally, watch their moods. Depression. Anxiety. Loss of interest in things that once they loved. Irritability. Humiliation/shame. Agitation/Anger, and finally, Relief and sudden improvement...a red flag that they are determined to make this time permanent.
Folks, if you, or someone you know is struggling and is expressing the desire to die, please, seek help for them. Be proactive. If they won't call the suicide prevention line (1-800-273-8255 (TALK)), then you do it. Encourage them to seek help to relieve the desire to end their lives. Join the Movement, #BeThe1To (http://www.bethe1to.com/join/), and find out what you can do to be the one to help another person to live.
Suicide is preventable, but its up to you to not only be aware of the signs, but to also be proactive...to be there, to listen, and to help where you can, and most of all, pray.
Please, dear Readers, pray for my friend, and pray that I will always have the wisdom and words from God to help her through. I love her as a Sister, and have for many, many years. We have had our fights, our struggles, but she is my sister, as if she were blood kin. I don't abandon family, no matter what their struggle, viewpoint or stance. God put them in my life, and only He can take them out of it. Part of my heart? Yes, very much so.
Thank you so much in advance, from the bottom of my heart for all of your prayers.
In the United States alone, suicide is one of 3 leading causes of death. According to the CDC (https://www.cdc.gov/media/releases/2018/p0607-suicide-prevention.html), it is the 3rd leading cause of death among 10-14 year olds; 2nd cause among 15-24, and 25-34 year olds; 4th among 35-44 year olds; 5th among the 45-54 year age bracket; and 8th among those ages 55-64. Half of those who were successful did not have a known mental health condition.
Among the causes of suicide and suicide attempts were:
*relationship problems or loss
*substance abuse
*physical, mental, emotional, verbal abuse
*physical health
*financial struggles
*legal issues
*housing
According to the article, guns are the most used. Medications, jumps, physical harm involving vehicles/police action or noxious fumes are among the instruments involved. A great deal of individuals are hospitalized due to the attempts, and many see the inside of a hospital more than once due to multiple attempts.
For the ones who have had someone in their lives who were successful, suicide is definitely not painless. It hurts, and can be with them for a lifetime. The what-ifs will haunt them and in so many cases, talking to professional help will be in their future. They will deal daily with the grief of loss, the anger will surface, at themselves and the one who took their life, the guilt over not being there for them, for not seeing the signs, for not helping when it was needed, for being too busy and brushing them off...it will all be present. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem for both the person who died, and the ones left behind.
So, why am I writing about this today? Because a dear friend, who has struggled all her life with factors beyond her control, attempted to take her own life just under two weeks ago. Praise God she was unsuccessful, but this wasn't the first time she'd tried, and from her own mouth, it won't be the last. This grieved me beyond words. She is almost two thousand miles away from me by car, many hours away by plane. Me getting to her at any given time will take time, precious time...but I am available to her by phone anytime, day or night. Still, I feel as if it's not enough. Not enough to take the feeling of hopelessness and isolation away. The emptiness she must feel, I can't even begin to imagine. I can only be the one she turns to, the one she calls when she feels as if the walls are closing in on her again. And I will be.
We talked for some time last night. She was telling me, after we got past the initial proclamation that this won't be the last time, that she felt lonely, isolated, discarded like so much rubbish. My heart broke with each word and silently I was wracking my brain to come up with ways that I could help...somehow. But I fell short. Praying during our conversation for wisdom and the words to say was the only thing that I could do.
After a while, the conversation moved to her "new" home, a travel trailer that she purchased to fix up, and call her own. No more would she worry about where she could go, there would be no more worries about being homeless. That monkey, at least is off her back, and for that I'm grateful. Then she started to come away from the sad, hopeless tone of voice that began our conversation. I could hear in her voice the excitement about fixing the trailer up. She was projecting the finished project to me, telling me what needed to be done still, and what it will look like when she was done. I knew, for now at least, that she was okay, but caution is still going to be with me, and communication will be prevalent.
While the outcome right now is a positive one, the possibility remains that this will not be the last time we have this talk. I am one of her Gatekeepers, there is another, the gentleman she has been seeing for the last few years, is the other. Together, we have a mighty giant to contend with, and its not going to be easy. It is not something we signed up for, but because we love this woman with all of our hearts, we are going to help her fight this demon, and hopefully help her be victorious.
There's another thing. As most of you know, I am a Christian woman. Prayer is vital in my life, and the lives of those I know and love, their salvation, is my priority when I pray for them. This woman, well, she is in my prayers daily as a general rule, now almost constantly since the attempt. I know she is not a believer, she has told me so, but she also knows that I am among the ones who pray, and she has seen results from those prayers many times. She knows that God listens to those who come to Him, those that are His, and she depends on that. But, she has not, and will not, at least not right now, reached out to Jesus to save her. I can't tell you how distressed this makes me. See, to have my friend of over 45 years feel as if there is no hope, even in the One who died for her and you and me, frustrates me. To know that if she were successful in her attempt, that she would be lost forever, grieves me. I have tried witnessing to her, I pray for her daily and now constantly, and she knows that, and yet, she is still sure there is nothing left...not here, and certainly not after death.
The Bible says that Jesus told the thief on the cross that, "Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise." (emphasis mine) Luke 23:43. That is a wonderful promise to all who put their trust in the only One who can save them from eternal damnation, and a wonderful hope...a life where loneliness, pain, suffering, tears, all of those things that pound on these folks now will never be spoken or felt again. Oh, how I desire this for her! I know Jesus can take the internal pain away, the hopelessness, the desire to harm herself. The physical pain, the actions of family and past relationships will still be there. the physical health problems will still be there, but there will be a peace that she will not be able to explain. I know this. I pray for this.
Know the signs.
1. Be aware of changes in behaviors or new, unexpected behaviors, especially if the behaviors are in response to a loss, painful event or change. Listen to them...sometimes even in casual conversation the warning signs are there.
2. In conversation. Listen for suggestions that they'd be better off, or their family would be better off if they were dead. Feelings of hopelessness. Feeling as if they're a burden. Feeling as if they're trapped. Feeling isolated. Unbearable pain.
3. Watch their behaviors. Increased drug or alcohol use. Researching on ways to commit suicide. Withdrawing from activities or isolating themselves from family or friends. Sleeping too much or too little. Calling friends and family to say goodbye, and that they love them. Giving away possessions. Aggression. Fatigue
4. And finally, watch their moods. Depression. Anxiety. Loss of interest in things that once they loved. Irritability. Humiliation/shame. Agitation/Anger, and finally, Relief and sudden improvement...a red flag that they are determined to make this time permanent.
Folks, if you, or someone you know is struggling and is expressing the desire to die, please, seek help for them. Be proactive. If they won't call the suicide prevention line (1-800-273-8255 (TALK)), then you do it. Encourage them to seek help to relieve the desire to end their lives. Join the Movement, #BeThe1To (http://www.bethe1to.com/join/), and find out what you can do to be the one to help another person to live.
Suicide is preventable, but its up to you to not only be aware of the signs, but to also be proactive...to be there, to listen, and to help where you can, and most of all, pray.
Please, dear Readers, pray for my friend, and pray that I will always have the wisdom and words from God to help her through. I love her as a Sister, and have for many, many years. We have had our fights, our struggles, but she is my sister, as if she were blood kin. I don't abandon family, no matter what their struggle, viewpoint or stance. God put them in my life, and only He can take them out of it. Part of my heart? Yes, very much so.
Thank you so much in advance, from the bottom of my heart for all of your prayers.
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