Be Aware...Know the Signs

A song, a meme, a memory...all triggers for me. Perhaps they are for you, too. Hearing a certain song can bring a smile to our face or tears to our eyes. A meme can make you laugh, or has the power to may one cry. A memory can make your heart glad, or break it all over again.

A week ago tomorrow, I received the news that my life-long friend had passed away. I don't know the particulars, really, just that she didn't have to go. See, she took her own life. I have been avoiding saying this even in person as much as I could, but it is what it is.

This, in her eyes, was the only way to fix things. For years she had been suffering. From the first thing that broke her heart, her father's passing, to her last days with mental, physical, and spiritual pain, she felt alone, a bother to those who were helping her. She was sick and tired of being sick and tired, literally.

For the last few years, I have been there for her...and this is not ringing my own bell, this isn't about me...this is about everyone else. This is about Sandy. I learned, rather quickly, that depression is an evil demon. It grabs hold and will not let go. Even when we think that it has been eradicated, it pops it's ugly head up, whispering in your ear that you're wrong, you're worthless, no one likes you. It will quietly and stealthily lead you to a place that makes you comfortable. Perhaps it's alone time, and then you don't go out much, then paranoia joins the party, maybe telling you that you're a bother, or no one wants you around. Little bits at a time, eating away at your self esteem one nibble at a time.

Sometimes, pain joins in. Perhaps its a debilitating disease, a chronic illness, a mental instability, each painful in its own way. Sometimes physically, sometimes mentally. Despair walks through the door, and together they all come together to let you know you're a bother, no one wants you around, you're better off dead.

I, and her boyfriend had helped her as much as we could to battled those demons, and mostly we won the skirmishes, she continued on with us for a while, then would try to leave us. Always she would reach out, maybe out of fear, or maybe because she knew it wasn't time, I don't know. This time, she didn't. There was no big fanfare, no declaration...just a handful of pills and sleep. That's how she was found. Unresponsive. The hospital found little brain function. That was the Monday before last, by that following Friday, she was gone. And we're left here trying to figure out what we missed, what we'd done wrong. Anger, frustration, guilt, sorrow, grief, they're all pounding on us. They will be with us for a while, hopefully they will leave soon.

But here's the thing. We did what we could. We've spread, and will continue to spread suicide awareness. We will continue to post things that will help with the signs and signals that loved ones need to be aware of, but even with all of the attention, and with the best intentions, some will slip through, and there will not have been a thing anyone could have said nor done.

Remember five years ago? Robin Williams took his life. Again, no fanfare, no big proclamation, that I'm aware of, no notice that he was at the final point. Nothing. A man, with such a brilliant career,  a wonderful comic, with a heart of gold...all of it gone in a moment, and now all we have are memories.

Sandy was a woman who had a heart of gold. She sponsored four children, three in Rwanda, one in Uganda. Before that, I'm not sure how many she'd sponsored, but had done so until they aged out of the program. She was an activist in many areas, she was active in politics. She loved the Air Races, and the "family" that were the crews and pilots.  If it was a cause that touched her heart, she was in.

If there was a need, and she had a way to help, she did. Sometimes, she was a little rough around the edges, but if she loved you, she did so with her whole heart. I was one of those blessed recipients. Those of us who loved her, told her so, but we feel as if maybe we didn't tell her as often as we should have.

 I will tell you, don't let guilt pull you in, you couldn't have done anything more than you did.

Again, I will give you the warning signs, and the toll-free number. Please, if you or someone you know is on that precipice, that fine line of life and death, reach out. Call someone you trust. If you have no one, then call the hotline. There is someone there to talk to, and someone there who cares.

*Here are the signs that 9-1-1 should be called immediately:

• Someone who threatens to hurt or kill themselves, especially if a weapon or other means is available.
  
• Searching for ways to kill themselves, whether by violent means, medicinal, or even suicide by law enforcement (forcing an officer to shoot them by violence or pointing/using a weapon).
  
• Talking, writing or posting about suicide on social media, especially if it is not something that person ordinarily posts about.

                                           Warning signs of acute danger or in need of urgent help

• Talking about wanting to die or to kill oneself;
• Looking for a way to kill oneself;
• Talking about feeling hopeless or having no purpose;
• Talking about feeling trapped or being in unbearable pain;
• Talking about being a burden to others;
• Increasing the use of alcohol or drugs;
• Acting anxious, agitated, or reckless;
• Sleeping too little or too much;
• Withdrawing or feeling isolated;
• Showing rage or talking about seeking revenge; and
• Displaying extreme mood swings.

                                            Youth Risk Factors

• Mental disorders, particularly mood disorders, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders and certain personality disorders
• Alcohol and other substance use disorders
• Hopelessness
• Impulsive and/or aggressive tendencies
• History of trauma or abuse
• Major physical or chronic illnesses

• Previous suicide attempt
• Family history of suicide
• Recent job or financial loss
• Recent loss of relationship
• Easy access to lethal means
• Local clusters of suicide

• Lack of social support and sense of isolation
• Stigma associated with asking for help
• Lack of health care, especially mental health and substance abuse treatment
• Cultural and religious beliefs, such as the belief that suicide is a noble resolution of a personal dilemma
• Exposure to others who have died by suicide (in real life or via the media and Internet)
• Bullying

                                                        

If you or someone you know are exhibiting these signs, please call Lifeline (US) 1-800-273-8255 or Text SIGNS to 741741. You will be able to speak to a crisis counselor anonymously.


Don't let despair, or depression win. You can defeat this.

*SAVE  https://save.org/about-suicide/warning-signs-risk-factors-protective-factors/