She never felt worthy
Today, after a very long battle, my best friend passed from this life. Sandy and I have been friends for over 47 years. I look at that number and am amazed.
They say that any friendship that lasts longer than seven years will last a lifetime. I tend to agree. I mean, after seven years, a person, a 'friend' can see your quiet side, your wild side...all OCD tendencies you may have or whether you're a slob. Are you an introvert or an extrovert, they see that. Your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks, if after seeing that for seven years and they still like you, well that person's a keeper.
Sandy and I met in Jr. High School, Middle School for you youngsters. We were okay friends then, but when we went to High School, that's when our friendship gelled. To call us polar opposites was an understatement, I was the yang to her yin. I caught my Mom shaking her head on many occasions with us. I even took our mini bike a few times, on the back dirt roads to go over to the next town to see her (it wasn't but a few miles away...five at the most), and to hang out with her.
We hung out with the same group of kids, and yeah, we had our fights, our disagreements, but we had fun, too.
When her dad died, that's when I noticed a change in her. She drew inward, and stayed there, only poking her head out occasionally to humor someone. She tried, she really tried to keep herself together, and for a while she succeeded. When we left school, I went to Idaho, she stayed where she was and married.
We talked off and on for the next 20 years. There were a couple of times that long periods passed without contact, but when we did get back in touch, we would pick up where we left off, that's just how we rolled.
The last few years proved to be challenging for her, eventually the scale with health/well being on one side and illness on the other, was overwhelmingly out of balance. Her health declined in so many ways, and her mental health suffered. Depression was her constant companion.
However, there were times that she found joy...and it was in helping people. Whether it was a fundraiser or some sort of conference to assist a portion of the population, she was there. She was active, until a few years back, with the Air Races and could often be found in the pits helping out.
Eight years ago, my family found themselves in a bit of a quandary, and Sandy was there to help out in any way she could. We had found ourselves to be fosters of a Soldier's dog for a small amount of time...those of you who have followed me for a while may be familiar with the saga. Angel, the Jindo Gae mix who actually stole our hearts during the three and a half months she was with us.
Our Soldier was transferred from Ft. Bliss in El Paso, back to the DMZ where he'd originally gotten Angel. He had been back in the States for a while, and then got orders back. When it came time to get Angel ready to travel, the veterinarian gave her everything she needed but one...a titer that was mandatory for South Korea entrance. When he got to Houston, he was informed that she could not travel with them because of the lack. So he was faced with a dilemma...find someone back in El Paso who could take her, or if that fell through, send her to a shelter. We, just having lost our Aussie the month before, were willing to take her in, but we'd decided that we were going to do whatever we could to get her home to her family. That's where Sandy came in. I was bemoaning the fact that I had no idea where to start to even figure this out, and her networking skills kicked into action. After some leg work on my part, we found out how much the titer was. She set a fund raiser into motion that collected all of the money we needed for that, as well as the certification when the titer was complete. It was my responsibility to find a Vet who was USDA certified.
Then, when the titer was well under way, came the issue of getting her there. We explored many avenues, and she reached out to her Air Racing friends...one of which I spoke to tonight. They were willing to help where they could.
In the end, Angel got home to her family.
Sandy, in the last few years often told me that she felt like she'd never made a difference to anyone, and I would get upset with her. I was told about, read about, or was privy to many times that she made a difference in the lives of others. Sandy helped shape who I am, how I tick, even if it was on a small level. She showed me the face of depression, and with all that I could, I helped her through...until I couldn't.
She made such a difference in so many lives, the incident with Angel was just a small sample. She was loved, or at least liked, on so many levels by many people. She was the Jeff to my Mutt. She was my Buddy, my partner in crime, my Best Friend, and I will miss her terribly.
On Monday, August 12, she was found unresponsive and was, after a faint heartbeat was detected, taken to the hospital. An EEG determined there was very little brain activity. Another EEG was taken yesterday, and today, at noon, I was notified she had died.
The first thing in my mind was this: Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
This has been in my mind all day, and because of the words, I know God is comforting me. I have had jags of uncontrollable tears, but then there's peace.
Sandy thought she never made a difference, that she was an after thought to a lot of people, but to me, and to those who loved her dearly, she was the difference we needed. She was, sometimes, the voice of reason, or the voice that asked what kind of stupid are you. She shook her head at us in disgust, or concern that we'd lost our minds, but she was our friend, and she made a difference.
Her boyfriend posted that there is a new, bright star in the sky. She made a difference in his life. She may have had her faults, but she made a difference.
So, Sandy? I know you're gone. There will be difficult times for all of us in the coming days. I will be having a hard time every time I pray because you have been part of my prayers constantly...now I no longer need to pray for you. Instead, your family will take your place, and I will pray for their needs and for comfort and peace. We will, at least for those of us on FaceBook, have memories pop up of you...a school picture, a picture of you on horseback, or laughing at something that was being said. Memories of Angel will pop up in my news feed, and with them will be your name. Things that I started for you, the weird looking cat I started to crochet for you, the dragon I never finished, the throw that was started, now won't be completed. The year books, the photos, the memories will pop up when they're unexpected, and it will throw me for a loop. I will mourn all over again. I will miss you. Sandy...you made a difference in my life...and for that, I am forever grateful. The last words you heard from me were, "I love you," and I meant them.
I love you, San, and will miss you, terribly...you meant the world to me, and Phil's right...there's a new star in the sky called Sandy.
They say that any friendship that lasts longer than seven years will last a lifetime. I tend to agree. I mean, after seven years, a person, a 'friend' can see your quiet side, your wild side...all OCD tendencies you may have or whether you're a slob. Are you an introvert or an extrovert, they see that. Your strengths, your weaknesses, your quirks, if after seeing that for seven years and they still like you, well that person's a keeper.
Sandy and I met in Jr. High School, Middle School for you youngsters. We were okay friends then, but when we went to High School, that's when our friendship gelled. To call us polar opposites was an understatement, I was the yang to her yin. I caught my Mom shaking her head on many occasions with us. I even took our mini bike a few times, on the back dirt roads to go over to the next town to see her (it wasn't but a few miles away...five at the most), and to hang out with her.
We hung out with the same group of kids, and yeah, we had our fights, our disagreements, but we had fun, too.
When her dad died, that's when I noticed a change in her. She drew inward, and stayed there, only poking her head out occasionally to humor someone. She tried, she really tried to keep herself together, and for a while she succeeded. When we left school, I went to Idaho, she stayed where she was and married.
We talked off and on for the next 20 years. There were a couple of times that long periods passed without contact, but when we did get back in touch, we would pick up where we left off, that's just how we rolled.
The last few years proved to be challenging for her, eventually the scale with health/well being on one side and illness on the other, was overwhelmingly out of balance. Her health declined in so many ways, and her mental health suffered. Depression was her constant companion.
However, there were times that she found joy...and it was in helping people. Whether it was a fundraiser or some sort of conference to assist a portion of the population, she was there. She was active, until a few years back, with the Air Races and could often be found in the pits helping out.
Eight years ago, my family found themselves in a bit of a quandary, and Sandy was there to help out in any way she could. We had found ourselves to be fosters of a Soldier's dog for a small amount of time...those of you who have followed me for a while may be familiar with the saga. Angel, the Jindo Gae mix who actually stole our hearts during the three and a half months she was with us.
Our Soldier was transferred from Ft. Bliss in El Paso, back to the DMZ where he'd originally gotten Angel. He had been back in the States for a while, and then got orders back. When it came time to get Angel ready to travel, the veterinarian gave her everything she needed but one...a titer that was mandatory for South Korea entrance. When he got to Houston, he was informed that she could not travel with them because of the lack. So he was faced with a dilemma...find someone back in El Paso who could take her, or if that fell through, send her to a shelter. We, just having lost our Aussie the month before, were willing to take her in, but we'd decided that we were going to do whatever we could to get her home to her family. That's where Sandy came in. I was bemoaning the fact that I had no idea where to start to even figure this out, and her networking skills kicked into action. After some leg work on my part, we found out how much the titer was. She set a fund raiser into motion that collected all of the money we needed for that, as well as the certification when the titer was complete. It was my responsibility to find a Vet who was USDA certified.
Then, when the titer was well under way, came the issue of getting her there. We explored many avenues, and she reached out to her Air Racing friends...one of which I spoke to tonight. They were willing to help where they could.
In the end, Angel got home to her family.
Sandy, in the last few years often told me that she felt like she'd never made a difference to anyone, and I would get upset with her. I was told about, read about, or was privy to many times that she made a difference in the lives of others. Sandy helped shape who I am, how I tick, even if it was on a small level. She showed me the face of depression, and with all that I could, I helped her through...until I couldn't.
She made such a difference in so many lives, the incident with Angel was just a small sample. She was loved, or at least liked, on so many levels by many people. She was the Jeff to my Mutt. She was my Buddy, my partner in crime, my Best Friend, and I will miss her terribly.
On Monday, August 12, she was found unresponsive and was, after a faint heartbeat was detected, taken to the hospital. An EEG determined there was very little brain activity. Another EEG was taken yesterday, and today, at noon, I was notified she had died.
The first thing in my mind was this: Blessed are they who mourn, for they will be comforted.
This has been in my mind all day, and because of the words, I know God is comforting me. I have had jags of uncontrollable tears, but then there's peace.
Sandy thought she never made a difference, that she was an after thought to a lot of people, but to me, and to those who loved her dearly, she was the difference we needed. She was, sometimes, the voice of reason, or the voice that asked what kind of stupid are you. She shook her head at us in disgust, or concern that we'd lost our minds, but she was our friend, and she made a difference.
Her boyfriend posted that there is a new, bright star in the sky. She made a difference in his life. She may have had her faults, but she made a difference.
So, Sandy? I know you're gone. There will be difficult times for all of us in the coming days. I will be having a hard time every time I pray because you have been part of my prayers constantly...now I no longer need to pray for you. Instead, your family will take your place, and I will pray for their needs and for comfort and peace. We will, at least for those of us on FaceBook, have memories pop up of you...a school picture, a picture of you on horseback, or laughing at something that was being said. Memories of Angel will pop up in my news feed, and with them will be your name. Things that I started for you, the weird looking cat I started to crochet for you, the dragon I never finished, the throw that was started, now won't be completed. The year books, the photos, the memories will pop up when they're unexpected, and it will throw me for a loop. I will mourn all over again. I will miss you. Sandy...you made a difference in my life...and for that, I am forever grateful. The last words you heard from me were, "I love you," and I meant them.
I love you, San, and will miss you, terribly...you meant the world to me, and Phil's right...there's a new star in the sky called Sandy.
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