2020 is shaping up to be the relative you don't want at Thanksgiving...

 Let's put it right out there...2020 has sucked. Yeah, I said it, and I'm not apologising or taking it back. If there was ever a danger zone for depression, this is it. 

I have blogged a lot on depression. As you may know, I suffer from a mild form of it, and my best friend of over 45 years had a severe form of it. Because of that, she took her own life a year ago, and because this is such an insidious affliction, I will make mention of it in my blogs often. 

This disorder has taken so much from so many. Look at Robin Williams. The face of comedy, wonderfully funny, and yet it was a mask for the world to see. You see, a lot of us put on that mask so that no one will worry, and we keep wearing it until we can't anymore. That's when things happen. Either we seek help and hope it helps to manage this demon, or we give up. That's what he and my best friend did. It took me a lot of reading, praying, crying and going through my own struggles to realize that it really wasn't a selfish act. When someone decides to take their own life, in their minds, it's to spare the ones they love the endless worry, having to endure the butt-end of any outburst of anger or sadness, or the medical bills that come when trying to manage it. In their minds, this is relief for their family, a way to keep those burdens away. 

Recently another friend of mine shared with me that she has depression, and it sounds pretty bad, which of course raised the red flag for me. What that means is that I will be watching her carefully. I have told her that my phone line is always open for her, my shoulders are wide and I am a good listener. I cannot judge because, although I am not as in severe condition as she may be, I am there. I understand the fears, the anxiety of not knowing what to do in any given circumstance. To be present when you lose your composure, and not being able to control it. It's like an out of body experience. You know you've lost your cool. You hear the angry words, and in a sense it feels as if you're watching and listening to someone else, but the control is not yours. You can't stop what's coming, and it's frustrating. 

If you go to NIH's website (https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4557731/), it lists a number of occupations with a high prevalence of depression and/or suicide. While it's fairly general in nature in many occupations, some are specific. The ones that have a high degree of depression that I didn't see, but I'm sure fall into one of the categories are: Police; Military; First Responders, Airline Pilots and Flight Attendants, and Pastors/Priests and their family members. The occupations listed, as well as the ones I have listed, all trend to high stress...having the lives of others put squarely in your hands, whether you are able to save or not save, will stress anyone to their limits. Doctors, Nurses, Nursing Home workers, Child Care workers all are at the top of the spectrum as well. 

Now let's add this year to all they normally endure. 2020 has been ripe with more stress than a normal person in a less stressful environment can handle. The quarantines, wearing masks everywhere. Not knowing if someone who sneezed in your bubble has COVID, they all contribute to the stress. The Primaries and now the Election, trying to decipher what is real and what isn't...trying to sift through the bias of the media (if you're on one side of the aisle), or reacting to what you believe to be the knee jerk reaction of the other side of the aisle. The riots. The looting, the violence. Wondering if walking out your front door is a death sentence in some areas. Everyone is in fight or flight mode. Now imagine being a service worker, or essential worker as they've been called. Transportation, whether it is by land, air or sea. First responders...police, ambulance, firefighters. Health services; nurses, doctors, assistants, even the ones who clean the hospitals. Forensic workers, mortuary workers...how much more can they and their families endure without breaking?

Let me encourage you. If you are blessed to not have to deal with this constantly, then be there for those who do. Don't be afraid when someone asks you to pray for them because they have depression. Pray for them constantly. If someone comes to you and asks for your help to get through something, help them. If they just want to talk, listen.

Look, I can't undo what happened to my best friend, and to others who I know have committed suicide because of depression, but I can be there for the ones who are dealing with it now. Because I also have the disorder, I have a better understanding, but I am not anywhere near being an expert. I can't tell anyone that what they are feeling, experiencing, the reactions or inaction they deal with daily is normal, because it isn't, and everyone is unique in how they present, but I can watch for red flags. The one thing I learned is even when the red flags are present, we don't always catch them in time, or we look at the mask the person is wearing and assume they're handling everything okay. I kick myself for the last one a lot, because she was having a good spell, I thought, and I kept putting off calling like I usually did because I was dealing with stuff at the time. I don't plan on making that mistake again. Am I being hard on myself? You betcha, because I knew about that symptom and still thought she was okay. 

Bottom line is this. If you know of someone who is in a high risk category, let them know you're there for them. Pray for them. Help them if you can. Have the Suicide Prevention Hotline number available (https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/), or a depression hotline (https://www.mentalhelp.net/depression/hotline/), but never tell them they'll get over it. Be there.